HOW IT ALL STARTED

When Jennifer, Sadie-Claire, Hutch and I decided our family adventure was taking us back to Franklin after almost eight years in California we were happy-sad. Our time and our friends in Irvine were good through and through, but something (someone) was inviting us into a new next thing. We all felt it, even before we decided to go. Jennifer and I had a dream to move into the Spiritual and Emotional Care space, especially focusing on the artistic community, and I had gotten the training and experience in SoCal that I needed for us to open the practice. But there was another component that was compelling us - we wanted to build something that would also make it possible for folks who couldn’t afford this kind of care to be able to get it. Jennifer and I both benefited from an organization like this early on in our marriage and it was a game changer.

Even before we left California Jennifer went twelve rounds with Legal Zoom and the IRS and successfully got our 501-c3 established, so when we arrived back in TN we were able to hit the ground running. Unfortunately, her dad died the next day, and my grandparents died a month after that, so things slowed to a halt, and our fundraising took a back seat.

Over the next year, we split our time between seeing paying clients and trying to underwrite the ones who were under financial strain. I became one of three approved Emotional Care providers for the GMA, and we took on anyone who needed help, regardless of their financial situation.

I discovered during that first year that my niche was in trauma recovery, inner-child work, and care for people who’d suffered narcissistic abuse. I also developed the Integration Process (the thing with the tree rings), and began using it with clients. And I started to see how my practice might look moving forward.

Then, this spring, just as I was getting into a rhythm, Dad died and things had to shut down again. I detached from it at first, convincing myself that I could keep going and sort of grieve on the fly, but it didn’t work (I should have known), and in July I had a mental and physical breakdown. My mind stopped working rationally and my body, and my MS, forced me to stay in bed until I took my pain seriously. My mom and some dear friends helped me get healthy and back on my feet, and some new treatments worked to get my body better, but we took a huge hit.

My practice is a melding together of three important aspects: Counseling, Coaching, and Recovery. The counseling part is where the Emotional Care and Spiritual Direction comes in, except it’s not traditional in the sense that my clients have access to me 24/7, much like a sponsor in a recovery program. Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line and my availability helps clients know that they aren’t alone. The coaching comes when we begin to invite the Lord to direct our next steps, implementing what we’ve learned and deciding how we want our next tree rings to look like.

This process works, but it takes time, and it can be exhausting. Sessions are usually every other week and last between 2 and 2.5 hours. And I’m on speed dial for calls and texts when we aren’t together. Because of the nature of this work, I can only see twenty clients per month, and I use a coaching/retainer model for the compensation.

Of my twenty current clients, eight of them are unpaid. A few of them were underwritten for the first few months, but when their funding expired we kept doing the work because they were seeing remarkable change. If I had my way, half of my clients would be underwritten by the non-profit, but that would require me to raise upwards of 5K per month, and with my limited time, there’s no way I can focus that much energy on fundraising. Jennifer and I had planned a fundraiser event for this December, but even fundraisers take money, and it’s just not there.

This Tuesday the 28th is Giving Tuesday and I’m asking you to consider helping us make this dream a reality in 2024. There are three ways you can give, all of them through the 501-c3 and all tax deductible. 1. You can give monthly. Any amount helps and you’ll receive updates from me and any of my books or other projects I might be working on. 2. You can sponsor or underwrite a specific client for 90 days. This is $1500 and you’ll receive a letter from them with an update. 3. You can give a one-time donation to cover whatever costs the non-profit has at the time.

All donations can be made at www.returnandrest.org/donate and I’m happy to provide any additional information you might want.

Thanks so much for listening and considering this. It means a lot to me, and means the world to the clients we are trying to help. Here are just a few of their stories:

STORIES

Lisa was married to her husband for several years and they had three boys together. Everything seemed fine until one day the police showed up at her door to let her know that he had been arrested. Turns out, he’d been having multiple affairs, ten in all, and most recently had solicited a 14-year-old for sex, except it wasn’t a 14-year-old, it was a cop. Lisa had no idea any of it was happening (narcissists are good at keeping secrets), and when her husband went away to serve his 10-year prison, she stayed with him and hoped he would change. Eventually, Lisa realized he was never going to understand the weight of what he had done, so after eight years of hoping and waiting, she filed for divorce. During all of this, Lisa was getting “biblical counseling” but no one ever thought to mention that she might have post-traumatic stress. So we’re working through it. He’s out of jail now and things are messy, but Lisa is walking well and trying to heal. The boys are grown now, and they are all trying to imagine what life might look like moving forward. For Lisa it means re-discovering herself and the Lord, and learning how to carry this pain.

Landon is 24 years old and living and working here in Nashville, trying to hold the pieces of his heart together while dealing with his parent’s recent divorce. It’s complicated because his mom is now dating his former roommate, so when he goes home, his good friend is sleeping where his dad used to sleep. He’s trying to integrate it all, but it’s gonna take a while. We talk about the best way to move forward, and we talk a lot about little-Landon and how this is affecting him. I also meet with Landon’s mom, who is trying to get healthy as well, and we are doing our best to make something beautiful out of trauma and the mess that their dad and husband created.

Cara is a single mom raising eight-year-old Bella on her own. She’s been through multiple relationships, trying to figure out how to make them work, while also trying to integrate a childhood where all she wanted to do was disappear. She came to me through the Solo Parent podcast and we are working through her childhood story, one that involves multiple dads and step-dads, and trying to see what God has next for her. Cara’s care was underwritten by a couple who have a heart for single moms, but after three months, Cara is just now coming out of her deep sleep, so we are going to continue on with getting her healthy.

Caleb is my age and living here in Nashville in an apartment, alone for the first time in almost three decades. His wife had been unfaithful multiple times, but he stayed because he thought the kids would be better off, even if he and her were sleeping in separate bedrooms. Last year, though, she told him that she considered their marriage to be “open”, and after enduring multiple affairs, he moved out. I think they’re still might be a glimmer of hope that they could reconcile, but it seems like that is fading and Caleb is having to start over, re-imagining what his life and his relationship with God will look like moving forward. We are working through his childhood wounding, one tree-ring at a time, and he’s even beginning to take some ownership of his part in a very dysfunctional relationship.

Thomas is a veteran and an ER doctor. He was married to Tabitha for twenty years, but she was abusive and abandoned him long ago. Thomas poured into his work and his four kids, hoping things would get better, but he finally gave Tabitha what she wanted and moved out. Now he’s alone and broke and wondering where he failed. But when I look into his eyes, I still see little-Thomas, and we talk about him a lot - the hopes and dreams that are still there, and his desire to feel loved and whole. A few months back Thomas lost a patient in the ER and the family was a wreck. He texted me that evening and asked “Would anyone even be there, weeping and grieving if this were to happen to me?”

I could tell you these stories all day long, but I would also tell you about the successes too! Like Marylin, who lost her twenty-one-year-old in a motorcycle accident two years back. When she came to me she still couldn’t swallow food because “He couldn’t swallow food.” Over the next year, we gently worked through the grief, and recently we agreed that it was time for Marylin to walk forward without me. This is where things get good - we process the traumas together and tell the truth to our younger selves, and over time something new, something beautiful, comes back to life. And the new tree rings are healthy, and they insulate the inner ones, and we become strong again.